Look!! Two birds...one stone...*thwapp!!*

I hate when I try to kill two birds with one stone and end up hitting myself in the head with the stone. For instance, I get the sudden urge to go to Las Vegas to see all my friends play in a tournament they're having at the Riviera. I can drive, 5 hours, or I can fly an hour but spend just as much time in each airport going both ways. I'll drive, that way I can jam up my tunes, and I'll stay at the MGM Grand because, well, I love it there. The plan is in place. I was driving from Kolby's to my place, ready to pack and bail, make sure the neighbor feeds the cat and I'm gone! Nice.

I started thinking I may as well call my eldest brother Max who lives in Blue Diamond and see if he wants to have dinner while I'm in town. I'm only staying a couple days but I can certainly be a good sister and make an effort to see him. Personally, as I'm dialing I'm hoping he and Linn aren't home, he'll see I called on the Caller ID, and the effort was made. But unfortunately he answers and we make small talk. I tell him I'll be in town for a few days. I don't tell him why because he's not thrilled I'm into pool. Don't get me wrong, I love him because he's my family. I think if he were a stranger I wouldn't know him because we would never cross each others paths in life. Anyway, I just tell him I'm coming into town and he's thrilled! I haven't seen him since Just after Mom passed and he was worried I wasn't getting out and doing things. He missed me. Wow! I had a warm feeling, my brother loves me and misses me.

Then he was like, "If you're driving out tonight you'll be in time for dinner! Linn is home for the week and we're going up to the cabin tomorrow morning and of course you'll come with us! You can drive home from the cabin on Friday, I'll mapquest it for you. You're bringing David with you, right? You're not driving alone, are you?"

Huh. Well, I never told him I broke up with David because David was the one he liked. I brought David to dinner with Max and Linn when they were in town and they liked him so much that I left that image in their heads. We went to PF Changs with them, they joined us for dinner with David's parents in Troon North, and the following day Max went golfing with David and his father and one of his father's friends. Max was impressed, David's parents loved Max and Linn...why blow a perfect picture like that? I don't have to show up anywhere with a new boyfriend for years because he has it in his head I'll marry David and he doesn't have to worry about his little sister anymore. I know I'm going to Liars Hell. *twitch*

I tell him David can't make it and I really wanted to spend time at the pool tournament at the Riviera, I hadn't really meant to spend time at the cabin--how about next time? (This is why I don't discuss my plans with anyone, by the way, as committee is death of spontaneity. I can't just go if I take others into consideration.) Max is really enthusiastic about his plan and he launches into all the fun stuff to do at the cabin, we can go on the boat, I can meet Linn's sister and brother-in-law, campfires and on, and on. I tell him I'll have to think about it, as that wasn't the vacation I'd planned. Could I call him back? Sure.

I have a headache. I can go to Vegas and not tell my brother I'm there, but I already feel my stomach twisting. I lie to my brother about all kinds of stuff as a kindness, which is the way of my people. Beyond all the things I think about Max, I know he worries about me. His little sister running around Vegas alone would start a whole new conversation. If I tell him I'm staying home and I go, and one of his friends sees me (met them all at a barbeque over wine and brie, made a favorable impression) and he finds out--bad. I want to go. I want to blow him off as I would, and have, for years, but I've also started taking the people in my life seriously.

I just can't go. I'm already having an anxiety attack because he's so sincere. The only reason I want to go to Vegas is to see my friends play pool, not to spend a few days up at the cabin. Maybe I can drop in on the peeps, wish them luck, and then go to my brother's house--I'm working it out in my head. I'll call into work this weekend so I can go to the cabin, I'll spend time with my brother and his wife, relax...that isn't bad. No! I'm driving and wondering how I let myself get into these situations. So, I dial his number and tell him a light just came on in my car, the engine light. I'd better have it checked out, probably won't be making the trip. Oh, sorry to hear that, he said, and they'll be going up to the cabin many times this summer, I should plan to come out another time.

I feel better that I'm not in Vegas, paranoid I might be spotted by one of my brother's friends, but I really want to know how my three teams are doing!!! I'll find out later, as I'm sure everyone will have good stories to tell. Next time I'll plan to go for the whole thing and not do it all last minute and I'll have to keep my private life separate from my pool life. Is it possible to live just one life?