Also, in companion to my last blog post, let me tell you about other things that have come up recently that accentuate my dorkiness for the entire world to behold.
When I'm sick I have a habit of buying every cold medicine known to man. I throw everything at it, in hopes something will get the nasty monster. I have a big, blue Rubbermaid tub that has gone with me from Arizona, to Northern California, to Oregon, back to Arizona, back to Oregon, and back to Arizona again—full of OTC meds, old hair clips I might use again, stuff I don't throw away until I'm sure I'll never ever use it again, etc. I've been fortunate enough to have a year or two of good luck, so I haven't needed anything from the blue tub, and frankly, I forgot what was in there.
So, last week I develop, once again, what I like to call Phlegm Monster. I have stuff in my lungs, I cough like a freak, I choke up—well I'll spare you the rest, but—ewwww. So, I'm also on the broke side, as the new job isn't yet paying me the happy overtime I like to earn to allow me to do things, like, afford to be sick. I have to be at work because I'm in training, and if I miss training I'll be so behind I'll never catch up. Also, being the new kid who never shows up isn't the way to begin a business relationship.
So, I open the blue tub, and it's like opening the Arc of the Covenant. Apparently during the last fight with the Phlegm Monster (I remember my mom was still alive because attached to the stuff I bought is a sticky note from my mother listing all the stuff I should buy. I miss my Mom. She totally got the evil genius of my 'stocking up' dorkiness.) I bought the enormous Costco size Mucinex DM (Two bottles of 140 pills each. Wow!), Tylenol Cold and Flu, Tylenol Allergy Sinus, Dayquil, Nyquil, Airborne, Wallgreens knockoff of Airborne, Emergen-C, Vitamin C, Vitamin B-Complex that is made up of a bazillion B vitamins to give energy, fish oil capsules (a friend of a friend of a friend at my mother's church recommended those, and I don't know what they do, but it was on Mom's list so I bought it) and three unopened boxes of Superduper Soft Kleenex tissues, which are nice to see because my runny nose has been irritated by store brand scratchy Kleenex.
It's as though my past self knew the Phlegm Monster would be coming back and made a time capsule just for me. Also, my past self bought a kit to clean the wax out of my ears, including a thing that looks like one of those snot sucker balls you use on babies. I had been thinking my ears were feeling a little cloggy and needed a deep cleaning. How did 'Past Me' know? That chick rocked!
To throw in some irony, drugs have an expiration date, and most of these drugs expire October of 2007.
When I'm sick I have a habit of buying every cold medicine known to man. I throw everything at it, in hopes something will get the nasty monster. I have a big, blue Rubbermaid tub that has gone with me from Arizona, to Northern California, to Oregon, back to Arizona, back to Oregon, and back to Arizona again—full of OTC meds, old hair clips I might use again, stuff I don't throw away until I'm sure I'll never ever use it again, etc. I've been fortunate enough to have a year or two of good luck, so I haven't needed anything from the blue tub, and frankly, I forgot what was in there.
So, last week I develop, once again, what I like to call Phlegm Monster. I have stuff in my lungs, I cough like a freak, I choke up—well I'll spare you the rest, but—ewwww. So, I'm also on the broke side, as the new job isn't yet paying me the happy overtime I like to earn to allow me to do things, like, afford to be sick. I have to be at work because I'm in training, and if I miss training I'll be so behind I'll never catch up. Also, being the new kid who never shows up isn't the way to begin a business relationship.
So, I open the blue tub, and it's like opening the Arc of the Covenant. Apparently during the last fight with the Phlegm Monster (I remember my mom was still alive because attached to the stuff I bought is a sticky note from my mother listing all the stuff I should buy. I miss my Mom. She totally got the evil genius of my 'stocking up' dorkiness.) I bought the enormous Costco size Mucinex DM (Two bottles of 140 pills each. Wow!), Tylenol Cold and Flu, Tylenol Allergy Sinus, Dayquil, Nyquil, Airborne, Wallgreens knockoff of Airborne, Emergen-C, Vitamin C, Vitamin B-Complex that is made up of a bazillion B vitamins to give energy, fish oil capsules (a friend of a friend of a friend at my mother's church recommended those, and I don't know what they do, but it was on Mom's list so I bought it) and three unopened boxes of Superduper Soft Kleenex tissues, which are nice to see because my runny nose has been irritated by store brand scratchy Kleenex.
It's as though my past self knew the Phlegm Monster would be coming back and made a time capsule just for me. Also, my past self bought a kit to clean the wax out of my ears, including a thing that looks like one of those snot sucker balls you use on babies. I had been thinking my ears were feeling a little cloggy and needed a deep cleaning. How did 'Past Me' know? That chick rocked!
To throw in some irony, drugs have an expiration date, and most of these drugs expire October of 2007.
1 comment:
"I had been thinking my ears were feeling a little cloggy and needed a deep cleaning." This may be the single funniest line I have ever read. Ever.
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