Is it possible for my employment cup to runneth over? At first my only prospect was to work with my sister, Mary, at Kaplan University. Regardless of the name of the establishment, or that they're to educate people, the job itself is selling people on going back to college by completing their studies online. That's nice, convenient, but really expensive and I would be calling people who filled out an online blurb that they were thinking of going back to school. It's all sales. Now, if you know me, you know I equate sales to manipulation. If you've heard me describe Mary, you know manipulation is her defining characteristic.
Mary can get you to do stuff you never, ever thought you would do, ever in your lifetime. She works slow, like Novocain, and you don't even know how you got from telling her you weren't serious about going back to school, really, to committing to spend $60,000 over the next three years and reallocate 20 hours a week from your home and family to get the job done. Now, granted, every day I meet people who wish they could go back to school but they don't have the time to go to their community college to sit in classes with 18 year old kids still on the right path. There is a need for what she sells, but it's the driving force she comes up with to make a procrastinator take the plunge that is truly amazing.
Or, in other areas of her life, one day I'm thinking how relaxing my weekend is going to be, two full days off, no work, and somehow I find myself putting together moving boxes and helping her pack up her house to move. How did I get there? When did I make the decision to give up my hard-earned days off to do Mary's bidding? I have no idea, but I'm here, so I may as well work. (Me, I'm straight forward. 'Could you do this for me? Please? No? Okay, I'll get it done somehow.')
So, Kaplan University is totally the job for Mary. I started training last Monday and I've begun to understand the nature of manipulation. In the last week I've learned how a salesperson (and my sister) can use your weaknesses, strengths, problems, issues, fears and attitudes against you to get you to make such a massive financial commitment. I mean, wow. After a week of training I wasn't at all ready to talk someone into anything, and more than ready to run out of the building like it was on fire.
Fortunately, last Tuesday I had a call from Charles Schwab offering me a job. I would be working customer service (They call it something else but it's answering the phone, acknowledging the customer has ever right to be furious, and solving the problem. It's the same no matter what you name it.) and it starts out a few thousand dollars a year more than American Express. American Express I started at $27k, Schwab starts at $30k, I'll get a 10% differential for working 2nd shift, and if I do really well in training I'll make another 10% differential for being an excellent new employee, and all this is before I meet my very best friend, overtime. I love overtime because it's extra fabulous money that lets me take vacations and go clothes shopping with reckless abandon without the guilt of putting off a bill or overturning my budget. Anyway, before we even get to OT, I'm making $9k more than I was at Amex before OT, and that makes me happy in every possible way.
When I received the call from Charles Schwab I nearly passed out with pleasure. After the stress of the past couple months, to know I had a great job for a great company ready to hire me was nirvana itself. I say this because my interview (a few weeks ago) for Schwab was incredible. I interviewed with two managers, nice guys but obviously smarty, astute people, not pompous as I thought they might be. There are only a few handfuls of job interviews where I remember developing such a rapport with the interviewers, where I not only gave the right answers but I took them so far off the interview path the '15 or 20 minutes' they granted me in the beginning turned into '45 to 75 minutes'. These were call center guys, nuts and bolts, and I gave them all I had done at American Express, the structure of my day, the calls I'd handled, the requirements—we went nuts geeking out on how Schwab different from Amex, the different methodologies, and when I left the building I knew I had them. I didn't convince them I was something I wasn't, it was the rare job interview when I felt I was hugely qualified for the job, that I wished I didn't have to leave the parking lot. Did they mind if I camped on their front stoop until they broke down and gave me the job?
I had gotten into my car and was half way down the block when I received a call from the HR lady from Schwab telling me that those two managers, who would normally just shoot her an email with the 'yay or nay', actually walked right over to her office and told her I was employee possibility greatness. They said I already knew not only my job but their jobs too (as far as their requirements for supervising their employees, talk time, and even the kinds of escalation calls they took every day—like I said, we geeked out) and she needed to call me right away before another company snapped me up! *happy dance*
Of course, before we can commence with turning my car right around to bleed Schwab gold, they had to check into my background, including a credit check. Now, my resume can stand to any kind of scrutiny, my references are genuine, but I haven't always been great with my credit and so there the sweating began. Two whole weeks pass by, no call, so I start Kaplan. Schwab said if I were to be hired I would start the 27th of August, or if the back ground check wasn't done in time for that class, I would have to start in late September, so to make money while I was waiting was far better to, you know, not starve, welcome to Kaplan University!
I started Kaplan, the next day the HR person called, I was cleared for take-off, great. The thing is, everyone knows my sister at Kaplan. They love her. They love that she recommended me, I baked cookies so they love me, I'm one of the superstars of the class (Frankly, as someone who despises sales, I can absorb tons of useless information like a sponge, and in training that's all that required of me. On that basis, I'm trainee greatness thus far.) even though I haven't actually sold anyone on anything yet. We took a test, I received 100%, and my trainer mentioned it to my sister right away, so everyone's excited. Also, once I realized I'd never actually have to talk anyone into leveraging their financial future (Now, don't get me wrong, people have college loans they pay off for years, even decades, but usually when you take out the loans you're in your late teens, early twenties and you have 50-80 more years of your life to pay them off. A 56 year old grandmother of 9 who just paid off her house and is looking at retirement, who was possibly looking into taking a few online classes to make life a little more interesting, talk that woman into a $30k--$50k investment. That makes me a little ill, actually.) I don't care, really, what they have to teach me. I'm still playing full out, I'm still participating in the class, answering questions, and even taking notes because I'm learning some of the tactics my sister uses to get me to do things I don't want to do. My sister had the manipulative chops before, don't get me wrong, she has four and a half decades going strong of getting people to do what they don't want to do, but now she's come up to evil genius grade quality, and these people provided her with that level of game. I'm fascinated, but frankly, it's exhausting to pack in information I'll never want to use, learn the history and accreditation of a school I'll never work for, and as I'm getting to know people, I like them and I feel like a rat fink.
Now, granted, I've had many jobs where I started them thinking 'This is something I'm using because I need it, this isn't going to be my career.' without a single thought to how that made my co-workers or trainers feel. If my sister didn't work there (I told Mary I was jumping ship about five minutes after I got the call from Schwab, and even before that I told her it was a possibility that by some miracle I might get the Schwab job and have to bail on Kaplan, so at least there I'm all good. I will be able to spend Thanksgiving with my family after all.) But now I care, and they care about me genuinely because they like and respect my sister, who put her reputation on the line to recommend me. So, it boils down to a mixed bag of emotions. I'm so thrilled to be starting Schwab tomorrow I've put dents in the ceiling of my apartment with all the jumping up and down. I'm so sorry I have to jump the Kaplan ship I feel like I've acted like a complete jerk, I feel like I used them and I hate users. I resigned Kaplan by leaving a voicemail on the HR lady's office line, on Sunday when there was absolutely no way she would be there to argue with me or try to sell me on staying. Since Tuesday I've felt like a lying liar, and for anyone who knows me, I tell the truth whether it's in my best interest or not.
Of course, before we can commence with turning my car right around to bleed Schwab gold, they had to check into my background, including a credit check. Now, my resume can stand to any kind of scrutiny, my references are genuine, but I haven't always been great with my credit and so there the sweating began. Two whole weeks pass by, no call, so I start Kaplan. Schwab said if I were to be hired I would start the 27th of August, or if the back ground check wasn't done in time for that class, I would have to start in late September, so to make money while I was waiting was far better to, you know, not starve, welcome to Kaplan University!
I started Kaplan, the next day the HR person called, I was cleared for take-off, great. The thing is, everyone knows my sister at Kaplan. They love her. They love that she recommended me, I baked cookies so they love me, I'm one of the superstars of the class (Frankly, as someone who despises sales, I can absorb tons of useless information like a sponge, and in training that's all that required of me. On that basis, I'm trainee greatness thus far.) even though I haven't actually sold anyone on anything yet. We took a test, I received 100%, and my trainer mentioned it to my sister right away, so everyone's excited. Also, once I realized I'd never actually have to talk anyone into leveraging their financial future (Now, don't get me wrong, people have college loans they pay off for years, even decades, but usually when you take out the loans you're in your late teens, early twenties and you have 50-80 more years of your life to pay them off. A 56 year old grandmother of 9 who just paid off her house and is looking at retirement, who was possibly looking into taking a few online classes to make life a little more interesting, talk that woman into a $30k--$50k investment. That makes me a little ill, actually.) I don't care, really, what they have to teach me. I'm still playing full out, I'm still participating in the class, answering questions, and even taking notes because I'm learning some of the tactics my sister uses to get me to do things I don't want to do. My sister had the manipulative chops before, don't get me wrong, she has four and a half decades going strong of getting people to do what they don't want to do, but now she's come up to evil genius grade quality, and these people provided her with that level of game. I'm fascinated, but frankly, it's exhausting to pack in information I'll never want to use, learn the history and accreditation of a school I'll never work for, and as I'm getting to know people, I like them and I feel like a rat fink.
Now, granted, I've had many jobs where I started them thinking 'This is something I'm using because I need it, this isn't going to be my career.' without a single thought to how that made my co-workers or trainers feel. If my sister didn't work there (I told Mary I was jumping ship about five minutes after I got the call from Schwab, and even before that I told her it was a possibility that by some miracle I might get the Schwab job and have to bail on Kaplan, so at least there I'm all good. I will be able to spend Thanksgiving with my family after all.) But now I care, and they care about me genuinely because they like and respect my sister, who put her reputation on the line to recommend me. So, it boils down to a mixed bag of emotions. I'm so thrilled to be starting Schwab tomorrow I've put dents in the ceiling of my apartment with all the jumping up and down. I'm so sorry I have to jump the Kaplan ship I feel like I've acted like a complete jerk, I feel like I used them and I hate users. I resigned Kaplan by leaving a voicemail on the HR lady's office line, on Sunday when there was absolutely no way she would be there to argue with me or try to sell me on staying. Since Tuesday I've felt like a lying liar, and for anyone who knows me, I tell the truth whether it's in my best interest or not.
Sheesh.
1 comment:
*Indian Happy Dance!* (Dot not Feather) Just thought I would join in the celebration for a minute! As I write this I assume that you are getting ready to start your second day. I hope all is going well. Don't forget to pack your Mary Poppins voice....polite, yet firm. Did I mention polite? Also, don't give Kaplan a second thought. Anything that involves sales has a huge turn over. Goog luck! I can't even tell you how happy I am for you.
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